Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It's blow job season.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
