need another drink. this is the easiest way
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
