She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize