this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
