Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
