He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize