I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
