I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
