we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize