I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
