He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
