AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
