the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
