careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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