Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
someone owes me an orgasm
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Randomize
