Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
