i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
