I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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