need another drink. this is the easiest way
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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