I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
