i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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