its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I still have a little drunk in my system
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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