Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
