I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I AM VODKA MAN
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
