Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
