WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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