I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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