When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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