u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
