Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
