she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
not ubering you a puppy
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
