I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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