Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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