I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
