Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
