Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
