We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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