Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
