It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
