When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
