Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
