ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
