i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
