I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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