hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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