i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
