just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
