You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
