So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
