he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
