i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
