yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
