I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
