I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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