I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
