I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Randomize
