I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize