I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
