So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
In other news, I just burned my penis
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize
