I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize