Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
