Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the room spins SO much faster in panama
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
