I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
