girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
