I want to stick my p in your. b.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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