Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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