A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
