dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
