I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
