But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize