Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
