I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
