That's when you crack a 10am beer
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
