apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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