Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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