I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize