It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
