i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
