Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
