Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
