Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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