I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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