rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
