I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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