May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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