Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
