ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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