What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
