A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I love having hate sex.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
