I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
