Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
