i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
