I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
