my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
