grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
