She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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