I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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