Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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