So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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