you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
