She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
