Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
