i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
