do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
