He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize