Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
